


When I Was Your Man *ON HOLD Temporarily*

by orphan_account



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol, Angst, Bars and Pubs, Casey whump, Cheating, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Firefighters, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Original Character(s), Physical Abuse, Physical hurt, Relationship Abuse (not between Kelly and Matt), Secret Relationship, Song: When I Was Your Man (Bruno Mars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: * a short song-fic based off of Bruno Mars's 'When I Was Your Man' *~~~~~~When Kelly loses Matt because he was too scared to accept his sexuality and kept their relationship hidden from the world, he spends the next while reminiscing in the good memories between himself and his ex-lover.By the time he finally discovers he'd rather be true to himself and to Matt, it might already be too late, and maybe Matt's already moved on.~~~~~~~"I hope he does all the things I should've done when I was your man."
Relationships: Kelly Severide & Original Female Character(s), Matthew Casey & Original Male Character(s), Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Comments: 26
Kudos: 30





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " No ... 
> 
> " Not now, and not like this ... "

_"You went **dancing**!? With **him**!??" Kelly yelled, stepping closer to Matt, who might as well have been breathing smoke at this point; the rage in him was as evident as anything. _

_**'I say I want space for a week, and he's got himself a new dick in his ass in no time. Un-fucking-believable.'** Kelly fumed, inside his mind. _

_"Fuck off, **Severide.** " Casey said, practically spitting out Kelly's surname in his anger. The aggression in Matt's tone brought a confused and almost fearful look to Kelly's face. Matt had never blown up at him, despite all the times Kelly had been a massive prick towards the blonde-haired man; the man he was supposed to show love towards, but Kelly was too scared. He was too scared of loving a man, because he'd only ever been with women. He was scared of what his attraction to Matt meant for him and his label on his own sexuality. _

_The anger in Matt's eyes and the tone of his voice -that had once been so gentle, but now so cold- sent Kelly's heart racing. His anger was suddenly replaced by fear, then anxiety, and then panic - all so very quickly. ' **No..** ' The man thought to himself, palms sweaty. ' **No, this can't be it, I can't lose him. Not now, and not like this.** ' _

_"Matt, I -" He started, but the blonde cut off the start to his sentence; "Fuck you." The truck lieutenant snapped. "You know what you are Kelly? You're a God damn coward. You're a coward, and **I hate you**. I fucking gave you everything, Kelly!! I treated you so good, way better than you ever deserved. And all I got in return was your shitty temper, countless mornings waking up alone, and a whole lot of heartache that I didn't need! So stay the fuck away from me, yeah? And enjoy your life - **without me**." _

_Casey spun around after that, slamming the door to Kelly's apartment shut, leaving the silver-haired man alone, falling to his knees. He'd just lost Matt._

* * *

**_Should have gave you all my hours, when I had the chance,_ **

**_take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance,_ **

**_now my baby's dancing but he's dancing with another man._**

* * *

_**PROLOGUE** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, this is short, but it's just the prologue - much longer chapters will follow. :) 
> 
> i wanted to post this tonight before i got too anxious and chickened out. XD i'm literally shaking right now as i type this, b/c i'm so scared this fic is going to be piss-awful. 
> 
> let me know if you like the idea, and if i should continue to write the rest ☺️❤️! 
> 
> much love! mwah 😘😘!


	2. Much Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " All you wanted to do was dance ... "
> 
> Word count:  
> 1,987 words.

“You did  **_WHAT!?_ ** _**”**_ Shay exclaimed, holding herself back from slapping her friend upside the head. 

“I told you it was stupid, okay!?” Kelly retorted, rubbing his hand across his face, letting out a hard exhale. He didn’t even have the balls to look at his friend right now. He knew she’d be disappointed as hell in him - as he was in himself. He couldn’t believe he let his pride get in the way. He couldn’t believe he just let Casey walk out of his life, without putting up some form of fight. 

_ ‘ But would it have even mattered, if I had..? _ _’_ Spoke a dark voice from inside Kelly’s mind. The silver-haired man sighed, no. It wouldn’t have mattered. Because this time, he fucked up big. 

“Kelly, for fuck’s sake.” Shay sighed, running a hand through her long, blonde hair. “I don’t know how to even get you out of this one. You cheat on him, ask for a week break, then march into his life again yelling at him once he’s moved on with someone who actually treats him decent!” She said, sighing yet again. “But he doesn’t!” Kelly snapped. “Anthony doesn’t treat him like I did - like I could! I could love Matt better than that son of a bitch ever could!” 

There was silence. The two friends were just staring at one another. “Kelly, come on. You don’t even believe what you’re saying right now.” Shay said gently, still looking into Severide’s eyes. And she was right, he didn’t believe a damn word he just said. Because Anthony made Matt smile, without making him cry right after. Anthony was taking him dancing, bringing him flowers, never hesitating to hold or kiss Matt in public, the way Kelly had never done. The squad lieutenant dropped his face into his hands, feeling like he could cry, but his eyes remained bone dry. Shay rubbed his back, “Okay.” She spoke matter-of-factly. “This is what we do now…” 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_Too dumb to realize that I should have brought you flowers, and held your hand.._ **

**_Should’ve gave you all my hours, when I had the chance..._ **

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “Kelly!” The blonde-haired man squealed as Severide tickled his sides, beneath the duvet where they lay in bed, in Kelly’s apartment which he shared with Shay - who was out running a grocery errand at the moment. “Yes, Matt?” Kelly smirked, pretending to be oblivious to what he was doing. Matt laughed hard, out loud, trying to pry himself away from Kelly’s grasp. He had a wide smile on his face, corners of his eyes crinkled, his chest shaking with each fit of laughter as his boyfriend continued the tickle-assault. “Stop!!” The blonde wheezed, shoving at Kelly’s chest playfully. Finally, Severide did stop, pulling his boy close for a kiss. They both giggled, holding one another as they just looked into each other’s eyes.  _

_ “Alright, lazy. I’m going to go make us something to eat. Eggs?” Casey asked, sitting up, pulling on a pair of sweatpants. “Mm, sure.” Kelly mused, admiring the muscles on Matt’s back. He watched as Matt made his way towards the open bedroom door, frowning once Matt stopped, staring at something sticking out of Kelly’s dresser drawer - and he wondered why he didn’t see it there before. “Matt?” Kelly asked, getting up. “What’s wr -” He stopped himself, following Matt’s eyes to see the bright neon-pink pair of panties that were draped over the corner of the open drawer as if they had been tossed there, without a care of who might see it.  _

_ Well, Matt saw it. And his heart broke.  _

_ He faced Kelly, tears welling up in his eyes. He knew who the underwear belonged to. He knew, and he hated himself for believing Kelly had changed.  _

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


The squad lieutenant rubbed his face, sighing softly as he sat in his quarters, filling out a report, by Boden’s request. He took a sip of his coffee -which was now somewhere between cold and lukewarm- and found himself having difficulty concentrating on the details. His mind was full of one thing - well, one person. Matthew Casey. Matt, and his eyes full of pain as he realized that Kelly was still the same womanizing asshole he’d been since day one. And Severide hated himself for letting his insecurity get in the way of what was possibly the best thing that could’ve ever happened to him, in his whole entire life. He let it slip away. Because he was a coward. 

Just then, amidst his self-pity-party, his cell phone rang. He checked the caller ID, sighing to himself once he saw the name. He picked up, “Hey I -”

“Kelly!” Shouted the voice on the other end of the line; a woman’s voice, and she sounded pissed as hell. 

‘ **_Join the club._ ** ’ Kelly thought to himself bitterly. Seemed everyone was pissed off at him nowadays. 

“Maria, I really don’t have time for -”

“What is this shit!? What, you fuck me on Saturdays, and confess to me on Sundays? Is that the  **_fucking_ ** plan now, Kel?” She snapped, sounding both angry and hurt. Kelly knew why; he’d left the brunette-haired woman a note, saying that maybe the two of them should take a break for a while. He’d said there were some personal matters he needed to sort out. She was just another person on the list of people screwed over and used by Kelly Severide. The silver-haired man sighed, “Maria, I’m at work. I really can’t be dealing with -” He began, but was cut off - again. “Yeah, you ‘can’t be dealing with this right now’ right? Same old shit, as always, Kelly. And I’m fucking over it. Good bye, Kelly. I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for - but I sure as shit know it isn’t me. It was never me.” With that, the line went dead. Just like that, another affair had ended on bad terms. 

“Fuck me.” Kelly whispered angrily at himself.  _ ‘I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for...’  _ The line Maria had spoken rang over and over in Severide’s mind. ‘ **_I know what I was looking for._ ** ’ Kelly said to himself, feeling his heart start to ache. ‘ **_And I found it.. But then it was gone._ ** ’ 

“Hey lieutenant.”

The voice of Christopher Herrmann pulled Kelly from his thoughts. He took a deep breath, turning to face the older man, pretending like he was completely fine, and had not just been thinking about Matt, again. “Hey Herrmann. What’s up?” He said, leaning back in his chair, looking up at the man who was standing in the doorframe. “You got a second?” Chris asked, looking serious, but also concerned. Kelly frowned, “This about work..?” He asked. “No, a little more personal. It’s about you, and lieutenant Casey.” Herrmann said, his eyes softening as he saw the look of pain flash across Kelly’s face. The man sighed, “Look Herrmann, I know you want to help - everyone does. But this is something Casey and I have to work out for ourselves.” 

Of course, everyone in the house thought it was just a rift between friendships - nothing more serious than that. Matt was kind enough to not utter a single word about their secret relationship once it had ended. Although, everyone was catching on that Matt was seeing someone. Anthony. 

Chris sighed, “Severide, with all due respect, I can see it as plain as the hair on your head that this won’t just work itself out. I don’t know what went wrong between the both of you, but I know what you two shared was something one comes across only once in a lifetime.” He said, the wisdom of his years showing itself in the words he spoke. Herrmann definitely suspected that this wasn’t just a friendship gone sour - but he respected the two lieutenant’s enough not to overstep his bounds. 

Kelly’s heart started to race. One look on Chris’s face, and Severide knew that the older man suspected what had really gone on in the short months where he and Casey had been right as rain, and even better than that, before Kelly had ruined it all. 

But, before he could say anything to defend his secret, Herrmann patted the squad lieutenant’s shoulder, “Fight for it.” He said quietly, and just like that, Kelly was alone in his quarters again with someone’s words ringing in his ears;  _ ‘Fight for it...’  _

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ ‘Okay ... This is what we do now.’  _

Kelly swallowed the rock that was in his throat as he stared at Matt’s front door. He had flowers in his right hand, while his left was halted just before the doorbell. “Fuck. Come on, you stupid son of a bitch, you can ring a God damn bell for fuck’s sake.” He whispered to himself, as some form of shitty pep-talk. Kelly hadn’t even realized he’d actually rang the bell, until the door opened, and there stood Matt. The blonde looked as perfect as ever; his hair messy as if he’d been laying on the couch watching TV, wearing a plain grey t-shirt, sweatpants hanging off his hips. 

“Kelly..?” He spoke, frowning in confusion. His eyes went to the flowers in Severide’s hand. “What’re you doing here?”

Kelly’s heart was racing. He could practically feel the color draining from his face. He was shitting bricks. “I-I..” He stammered, trying to keep his eyes on Matt’s, and not look away like the coward he knew he was. “I wanted.. t-to give you these. And, I-I.. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am, for everything I put you through.” He said, hoping to some higher power that Matt would just take the flowers from him, invite Kelly in, and they could talk things out. He missed the blonde. He missed the smell of his after-shave, he missed his laugh, he missed the crinkles by his eyes when he smiled wide when Kelly used to make him chocolate chip pancakes on mornings where they were off shift. He missed waking up to Matt’s face, waiting until their alarm rang, just watching his boy sleeping peacefully. He missed everything about Matt, he just wanted to undo time. Rewind the clock. He wanted to go back, and right his wrongs. He was ready to change. 

But, his hopes were shattered when Matt just stared at him, blankly. “You need to leave.” He said, his voice emotionless and cold. Kelly wanted to believe he'd heard wrong. Although, he knew he'd heard right. Why wasn't this the outcome he expected? After all he'd put him through, did Severide seriously expect Matt to just welcome him back with open arms, and act as though they could go back to how things used to be? No - how things  _ should've  _ been. 

"Matt, please -" He began, but then he froze when he heard another voice coming from inside the apartment. "Matty? Babe, who's at the door -" 

Kelly's jaw clenched, as his eyes met Anthony's. The raven-haired man glared at the flowers in Kelly's hand, his eyes narrowing as their eyes met again. He snaked a possessive arm around Matt, giving Severide a look that said 'he's mine.' Kelly nearly growled like a dog at the sight of another man's arm on Casey's shoulders. 

"Kelly, leave." Matt spoke. But this time, his voice wasn't cold. It was almost … desperate. Afraid. Why? Kelly didn't give the blonde man enough time to reveal any other emotions, because with one more look at the two men in front of him, he was spinning around and left the sight behind him, storming to his car that was parked outside. He dumped the flowers in his backseat, started the ignition, revved the engine, and drove off with a squeal of his tires. 

But oh, how he should have stayed. 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_Although it hurts, I'll be the first to say that I was wrong.._ **

**_Oh, I know I'm probably much too late, to try and apologize for my mistakes._ **

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  
**_CHAPTER ONE:_ ** **_Much Too Late_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *evil snicker* :D hmmm, why d'you guys think Casey sounded afraid at the end..??? o: 
> 
> aahhh, thanks for the support on last chap.!! means the whole world. :) 
> 
> until next time! mwah! ^_^


	3. ANNOUNCEMENT

hi everyone. this is going to be very brief; this is NOT an update. i'm writing this just to let all my readers know that today i started my second semester, and will be in school until mid April of this year. i know my updates have been coming fairly quick since i started writing on ao3, but this is just a forewarning that school may slow down my updating schedule a bit. i'm sorry if that is disappointing. i will be continuing to update, this is not the end, nor any sort of hiatus - just a little fyi. i will continue to be active on Twitter (stellaridecasey) if any of you want to pop over there and say hi to me! updates WILL be coming, just maybe a little slower than normal, due to my amount of coursework/times that i will be in a lecture meeting. 

all your guys's support has meant the absolute world to me, you have no idea how much i love seeing all your comments pop up in my inbox. :) i hope this won't cause any of you to stop reading, or stop supporting my works. writing is my passion, but i need to pass school! 

none of you will be forgotten, so don't even think that - i think about writing almost 24/7. XD and i'm always checking my inbox and Twitter. you all are like my second home. and i'll never stop appreciating you guys.<3 

all my love,   
Adinah.


	4. ON HOLD - i'm sorry

hi everyone,

just a little fyi before i begin this; this is NOT an update. if you noticed the title of this part, i'm actually going to be putting 'WIWYM' on hold.  
i know many of you (mainly Lottie and Pall, haha, ily both<3) have expressed privately to me on Twitter that this is the update you're waiting at the edge of your seats for, but i just can't do it. i'm very invested and excited for the progression of 'Perfectly Imperfect' so much so that it's become difficult to focus on an entirely different and separate work, ontop of working on things for my college classes.  
i think i overestimated how difficult it'd be to write all the ideas i have for this story in just five parts. but, i'm NOT CANCELLING IT! i am only taking some time to think, and order my thoughts better, before i return with ch. 3!  
i've never abandoned a story, and this will not be the first one i abandon. i WILL be updating!! just not as soon as i thought.

while you wait, maybe give my Oneshots book a read! there's about six Oneshots in there so far, with more coming soon!! and, like mentioned above, i have a story out called 'Perfectly Imperfect', which is an autistic!Casey fic. so, if that's something you think you'd enjoy, go have a look at those for the time being, while 'WIWYM' is on hiatus. :)

i love you guys, and appreciate every single one of you SO, SO much.<3 i hope you're not too disappointed, and will still be here when 'WIWYM, pt. 3' returns. ^_^

all my love,  
Adinah<3


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